Karma's a Bit*h Read online

  “Are you even the least bit sorry?” Tamsin asked after taking a few deep breaths.

  “I got nothing in the divorce!” Brian yelled at her.

  Tamsin shook her head, and Stephanie had moved away from Brian.

  I stepped up and addressed Brian. “Since the jewelry has been returned to its rightful place, you can leave, or you can have it out right here, between all of you once and for all.”

  “What do you mean?” Brian asked, his gulp audible in the open room.

  “Well, we have these.” I took the soft bat, a hard helmet, goggles, and gloves from Jake as he lifted them to me.

  Brian’s mouth gaped. “You want me to let them hit me with those?”

  “It’s not about what I want,” I explained. “Tamsin has agreed to these terms, or you can take a ride with Detective Porter and explain about the missing jewelry she reported stolen.”

  Brian’s hands fisted at his sides. “Oh, yeah? How will you explain how she got them back, asshole?”

  “Easy. I gave them to her once I found out the truth,” Stephanie said. She crossed her arms with a smug smile and went to stand by Tamsin. She returned her smile and nodded.

  Brian’s gaze traveled to each woman, then Greg’s badge. “Okay, fine! You can hit me. But no more than a few times.”

  “Each,” Amy said.

  Brian stuttered but glanced at Greg once more. “Fine,” he said through gritted teeth. “Each.”

  The women gathered what they needed, and I handed Brian goggles and a helmet. A bright pink one.

  “Smile!” I took a photo of him in his gear, and he flipped me off.

  I climbed out of the ring, and Jake and I sat on a bench, happily watching Brian Hart get the stuffing beat out of him, even though it wouldn’t do any damage.

  “Are you sure this is what you want to do?” Jake asked.

  “Yeah, I think I like it a lot. Phen will help me work out the legalities, and Greg said he’d be there whenever I needed him. I might not follow the letter of the law all the time, but I can still give people some form of closure, even if it’s not exactly what they want.”

  “Archer Mediations,” Jake said. “It has a nice ring to it.”

  I cocked my head in consideration. “How about Ferraro Mediations? That way anyone else named Ferraro can be my partner.”

  “Ferraro, huh? Who else named Ferraro would join? Your brother already has a job.”

  “Well, you know me. I like to plan ahead. Be ready for any situation.”

  Jake eyed me with amusement. “You do? I wasn’t aware.”

  I couldn’t stop the grin from forming. “The immediate future. Not, like, ten years from now. More like three years.”

  “Three years until someone else named Ferraro joins you?”

  I leaned in to speak against his lips. “Maybe two.”

  “Two?” Jake breathed.

  “One?”

  Jake grinned and kissed me. “We’ll see. I’m curious what name you’ll put on the marriage certificate. I mean after all, Art—”

  “Ah!” I kissed him to shut him up. “We shall never speak of that again.”

  “Oh, we shan’t? If you say so, Art-Archer.”

  I scowled, and he laughed. “You’re too easy.”

  “Only for you, Jakey. Only for you.”

  “Well, I gotta hand it to you, Archie.” Greg came over as the women came out of the ring “This was a better choice than whatever illegal scheme you had cooked up before. And they all got to blow off some steam this way.”

  “Thanks, man. I just hope I can keep it going without having to resort to my former ways.”

  “You and me both,” Greg muttered. “Oh, by the way. We arrested Brett. He’s being held as of today and has yet to post bail.”

  “Good. Where’d they catch him?”

  “He was on his way to Pennsylvania.”

  “I think he was running from your grandma,” Jake said.

  “I wouldn’t be surprised. And what about Phen?” I asked Greg.

  Greg frowned. “What about him?”

  “Still planning on blackmailing him into a date?”

  Greg hemmed and hawed until finally, “I’ll try asking him the usual way first. If he says no, I can’t be held responsible for my next actions.”

  I laughed, and Jake shook his head.

  “Archer?” Tamsin walked over, and I hopped off the bench. “Thank you for this. I admit it was better this way than doing something petty for revenge.”

  “I’m glad. Tell your friends.”

  Tamsin smiled. “I will.”

  “Come on.” I slung my arm around Jake. “Let’s go home.”

  Jake squeezed my waist. “I like the sound of that.”

  Epilogue

  One year later

  Jake

  I couldn’t believe my life had come to this. I stared in a daze, hypnotized by the round shape in my palm. How could something so small be so life-changing?

  The minister cleared his throat, and I gazed into Archer’s beautiful eyes.

  “Jake Michelson, I think I fell for you the day I saw you in that stupid paper hat, and you sold me a bucket full of vegetable oil.” The audience laughed. Some in confusion, others simply shook their head at Archer’s vows. “I knew there was something special about you when you expressed concern over my—a total stranger’s—well-being when you had no idea what was going on.” Archer took a deep breath. “I didn’t know then how hard I’d fall, but I knew after a few days that you’d be there to catch me because that’s the kind of person you are. Your love is fierce, loyal, and all I’ve ever wanted.”

  I cleared my throat, but my voice still came out a little shaky. “Arturo—I mean Archer.” I gave a sassy laugh when Archer pretended to call the wedding off while everyone laughed. “Archer,” I started again. “I knew I loved you when I saw just how far you’d go to help others, no matter the consequences to your own life. Your sense of justice and good made me take a long look at myself. And your sense of adventure and fun inspired me to stop being afraid and start living.” Archer’s eyes welled up, and I hurried before I lost it completely. “I vow to keep on inspiring you and lifting you up through the bad times, and appreciating the good times, until the day your mind goes, and I’m forced to retire to Tahiti without you.”

  Archer grinned and someone whistled. I winked to show him I was kidding.

  “Do you have the rings?”

  I pushed the small gold band onto Archer’s finger, and he did the same to mine.

  “I now pronounce you married. You may kiss—”

  The minister broke off with a laugh as Archer grabbed me, dipped me, and kissed me. I laughed into Archer’s mouth, and he set me upright. The audience stood and cheered as we descended the platform and walked down the aisle, shaking hands as we went.

  True to his word, Archer had asked me to marry him exactly one year after we’d met. We’d taken a walk, and he’d stopped at Dinkin’s Donuts of all places. Archer had stood on a bucket of oil provided by Mr. Anastos and used a police bullhorn provided by Officer Bailey to propose in front of a throng of complete strangers, a bunch of cops with their lights flashing, and Marri, of course.

  I smiled at Dad as my best woman followed me with her arm in Phen’s, dressed in a shimmery gold number straight out of the 1920s. Greg winked at Phen as we passed, and Phen smiled.

  Archer and I were dressed a bit more traditionally in powder-blue suits with orange polka-dot bow ties. We’d decided on a circus theme for the reception, and donned clown noses in some of our wedding photos. We took some dignified ones, too, but life with Archer was never too serious, and I couldn’t have been happier.

  Archer

  I shut the bedroom door and bounded over to the bed, throwing myself onto it purely for the sake of making Jake bounce around while he was trying to read wedding cards.

  “Are you ready for our honeymoon, husband?” I asked, scooting close to his side and shoving a hand under his T
-shirt.

  “I am, and I can’t wait.”

  “I’m glad we decided to wait and combine our honeymoon and your graduation present. Now we can take off a month and live it up in the Keys.”

  “Me too.” Jake kissed me. “I’m surprised Greg had enough pull to let Captain Fischer give me a whole month off after I only started working cyber cases for the police in June.”

  “You still like it, right?”

  “I do. As long as I get to continue helping you.”

  “Well, now that I’m officially a consultant for the NYPD on Domestic Mediation, I think we’ll be good.”

  Jake grinned and set the cards on the nightstand. He turned to me and snuggled on my chest. I ran my hand up his spine, then down, and kept going into his boxers.

  “Where are you going with that hand, Mr. Ferraro?”

  “Anywhere you want me to, Mr. Ferraro.” I palmed his ass, and he pushed it into my hand.

  “I want you to go all the way.”

  I gasped. “All the way? Jakey, are you asking me to…fornicate?”

  “I think—now I could be wrong, but I think—since we’re married, it’s okay to say make love.”

  I pursed my lips. “Have sex.”

  “Pound it.”

  “Fuck.”

  “Beast with two backs.”

  “Horizontal rumba.”

  I reached over and hit play on the Bluetooth speaker. “Let’s Get It On” began and Jake buried his face in my shirt.

  I crawled over his body and started a naughty undulation I’d studied in an old Learn How to Strip video. I growled, bit the pillow, and shook it between my teeth.

  “What are you doing?” Jake howled with laughter.

  “I’m being sexy for my new husband.”

  “Well, quit it. You look like Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls.”

  I sniffed, highly offended. “I don’t see that as an insult. That movie is a classic.”

  “Uh-huh.” Jake’s eyes danced with joy.

  I lowered my body and took his lips in a heated kiss.

  Jake hummed and wrapped his tongue around mine. “I love you, silly man.”

  “I love you, too, Jakey poo.”

  “Forever?”

  “Forever and ever. Until you leave me for a cabana boy in Tahiti.”

  “Yes!” Jake punched the air.

  I didn’t know how I’d gotten so lucky, but I promised myself then and there, I’d treasure this wonderful, sweet man for the rest of my life. And maybe drive him a little bit crazy, just to keep things interesting.

  The End.

  Thank you!

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  About the Author

  Este Holland is a writer and reader of all things Romance. She's also a treasure hunter, a word wizard, a lover, and a fighter. She was born and raised in WV, and now lives in Virginia. She works in marketing during the day. She began writing novels in 2012.

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