Karma's a Bit*h Read online

“Uh-huh.” My lungs worked overtime, and I hadn’t even noticed that Archer had already dealt with the condom.

  We lay next to each other holding hands. It had been an exhausting night, and I was ready for sleep. My phone had other ideas, though. I found it in the heap of clothes on the floor.

  “Amy messaged.”

  Archer sat up quickly. “What’s it say?”

  “She said yes. We can meet at a hotel in Midtown tomorrow night. Well, tonight,” I said seeing as it was after one a.m.

  “Finally.” Archer flopped back to the mattress. “This job felt like it was growing mold.”

  I put my phone on the nightstand and crawled under the blankets. “Is it okay if I sleep here? I never asked before.”

  “Of course, it is. I prefer it.”

  “Good.” I snuggled in, tangling one leg with Archer’s but otherwise giving him space. He smiled from his pillow, blinks growing longer as we stared into each other’s eyes. Neither of us wanted to stop; it was too new, too fun being together like this.

  But soon enough, sleep proved too powerful.

  Archer

  I woke first, threw on some running clothes, and jumped on my treadmill. I needed to be focused for tonight, and running had always been my happy place. I hated to leave Jake; he was so freaking cute buried under the blankets.

  I didn’t know what to expect with Amy. Did Brian know she was an escort, or had they met randomly? If she had some of the jewelry, would she admit it or return it? Would she tell Brian we were looking for him?

  I needed to work out how to approach her about it. Come on too strong and she might think I was a cop or a thug. If she told Brian, he might decide to blame Tamsin and go after her. I couldn’t have that.

  Maybe tonight would be best used for gathering intel before tipping our hand. But then the issue became why we called her to a hotel in the first place. She’d expect sex or a date. At the very least, I’d have to come on to her. I wouldn’t sleep with her, of course, but flirting was inevitable. Hell, it was practically my default mode on jobs. It distracted people, and either made them uncomfortable enough to want to get away from me, or they liked it and wanted to get closer to me.

  The issue now was Jake and me. I felt guilty, and I hadn’t even done anything yet. It was an unexpected consequence of becoming boyfriends with my employee that I didn’t know how to deal with. I’d have to talk to him about it. I finished my run and jumped into the shower.

  “Hey.”

  I peered through the steamy shower doors at a rumpled and cute Jake.

  “Good morning.”

  “Can I shower with you?”

  “I’d be sad if you didn’t.”

  Jake smiled and walked into the shower. I pulled him under and started to wash him while he scrubbed his hair. All the rubbing got us hard, so I used my soapy hand on us at the same time. Jake kissed me and I thought he was better than a cup of coffee any day.

  “I have class at ten,” Jake said.

  I held him close and washed away the spunk. “Okay. I’ll make us some breakfast.”

  “What about tonight?”

  “Let’s talk in the kitchen.”

  We got out and dried off, then dressed for the day. I made coffee, bacon, and pancakes.

  “I was thinking about that,” I began. “About Amy. I need to get a feel for her before I spill the beans. I have no idea how she’ll react to news of Brian stealing the jewelry. She might hate it, or she might like it. She might be in on it with him. Who knows?”

  “Or she could be outraged and want to help us get it back for Tamsin.”

  “Exactly.”

  “How will you find out?”

  “I’m going to have to do some fast talking.”

  Jake picked at his food. “Will you have to touch her?”

  “Nothing intimate. Just like her arm or her hand.”

  “Kissing?”

  “No.”

  “Okay.”

  I paused with my fork dripping syrup. “Okay?”

  Jake tilted his head. “I know what you do, Archer. You were pretending to date Brett, right? I’m assuming there was some level of closeness there.”

  “Not much, actually.”

  “Have you ever slept with a mark?” he asked.

  “No!” I scowled. “I wouldn’t do that.”

  Jake laughed. “Okay, okay. Calm down. I was only curious.”

  “I might have to follow her, though.”

  It was Jake’s turn to scowl. “Now, that I do hate. It’s dangerous.”

  “I know. But I’ve had a lot of practice.” I paused. “How are you feeling after last night?”

  “I’m good,” Jake said with a small smile, but it faded. “My dad gets out next week.”

  “I’d like to meet him.”

  Surprise flashed over Jake’s face. “You would?”

  “Yeah, of course. You had to put up with my whole crazy family last night.”

  Jake grinned. “It wasn’t so bad. I especially liked the part where your grandma beat a man over the head who was twice her size.”

  “That was pretty epic, huh?”

  “Yeah, it was. You remember about the stealing, right?”

  “I remember. Consider me forewarned. I’d still like to meet him.”

  “Okay.” Jake tried to hide a small, pleased smile. “Are you going to talk to Ahmet?”

  “I will. And Greg. I’ll need to go to the station and give a statement about Brett and hand over the security footage as evidence.”

  “What do you want me to do?”

  “Keep an eye on Brian, and maybe Stephanie, if you can.”

  Jake nodded. “I’ve got to get going.” He gathered his things and headed to the door.

  “Have a good day,” I said.

  “You too.” Jake kissed me, and I couldn’t stop smiling. “That’s revolting.”

  “What is?” I asked still smiling because I knew what he was going to say.

  “We’re not some lovey-dovey, domestic couple.”

  “Apparently, we are.”

  “No, I refuse. I want to be the cool, badass couple who drinks whiskey at noon and goes on mountain climbing expeditions on the weekend.”

  “You’ve never hiked a day in your life, have you?”

  “I have too! We went to Inwood Hill on a field trip once.”

  “A park? Still in New York?”

  “Well…yes.”

  “I stand corrected. You’re a badass mountain-climber-slash-hacker, who can’t drink liquor and likes to play computer games and snuggle.”

  “And don’t you forget it.”

  I gave him a smiley kiss and shut the door.

  A knock sounded, and I opened it with a laugh. “Are you the stripper I ordered? Quick, before my boyfriend comes home!”

  “Am I?” Jake asked.

  “What?”

  “Your boyfriend.”

  All playfulness vanished, and I drew Jake into a hug. “I’d like to think so. What do you want?”

  “I’d like it. A lot. Maybe too much.”

  I pressed my face into his hair. “I know what you mean. But we can take it a day at a time.”

  “Okay. Sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

  “You’re fine, sweet Jakey. Go to class.” I gave him one last kiss and sent him on his way.

  I blew out a breath and leaned against the door. That was a lot of emotion right after breakfast.

  Chapter 20

  Jake

  I couldn’t concentrate in class, and I wasn’t thinking much about the job we had to finish. I was terrified of Archer meeting my dad. But I was also happy. A guy wanted to meet my family and had in fact taken me to meet his!

  A boyfriend. Me.

  I texted Marri: Archer and I are official!

  She sent a cheering gif.

  Elation ricocheted around my insides and slowly drained into anxiety. My dad would test Archer. No doubt. First, to see if he’d be easy to steal from. Then, to see how smart
he was. Unless his counseling had helped. I’d have to wait and see, but I wasn’t looking forward to it.

  Archer could handle himself. I just wished there wasn’t a reason he had to handle himself. Why couldn’t I have a normal dad who took Archer aside and explained how he’d kill him and bury his body if he hurt me?

  And what if Archer decided it wasn’t worth it? That I wasn’t worth it? He had enough to deal with for his job, and now his family knew the truth.…I didn’t want to put more pressure on him.

  My life had gone from zero to sixty in two weeks, and my head was spinning. I needed a break. I thought about our banter that morning and decided to go to Central Park after class to walk around. It was cold, but the sun was out for once.

  My phone pinged with the Tinder app notification. Amy wanted to reschedule. I called Archer.

  “Hey, it’s me. Amy wants to reschedule for tomorrow night.”

  “Damn. Okay. Tell her yes, please.”

  “I will.”

  “What are you doing?” Archer asked.

  “I’m walking around Central Park.”

  “Oh.” He paused. “I don’t want to make you nervous, but maybe it’s a good idea to stay in a public place, just until Brett’s been picked up for assaulting Ahmet.”

  “They haven’t arrested him yet?”

  “Nope, he’s gone AWOL.”

  “I’ll be back at your place soon.”

  “Okay, be careful.”

  “I will.”

  I stuffed my phone into my pocket and headed toward the nearest exit. I hadn’t really thought about Brett, which was kind of stupid of me. I’d assumed he’d been arrested last night after Ahmet said he was pressing charges.

  I made it to Archer’s building without incident and took the elevator. I was going to get lazy and never want to take the stairs in my building again. I let myself in and a grin pinned itself to my face. Around Archer, it may as well become permanent.

  Archer danced while he cleaned the floor in a frilly apron, wearing nothing but red briefs.

  “Where did you get that apron?”

  He stopped dancing and turned to me with one of his “I’m up to no good” smiles. “My neighbor. Do you like it?”

  “I like you,” I said as I gave him a kiss.

  Archer kissed me harder, and I dropped my bag to the floor. “I figured since we were being all cute and domestic this morning, I’d get into character.”

  I grinned. “Maybe you should join Marri for her next play. You like pretending way too much.”

  Archer laughed.

  “I’ll be in the office,” I said.

  “Yes, dear. I’ll bring you a coffee in a minute.”

  “Are we role-playing? Are you the lonely fifties housewife, and I’m the husband home from a business trip?”

  Archer’s eyes lit up. “Oh! That’s exactly what I was thinking.”

  “No, it wasn’t. You were just being you.”

  Archer laughed. “Okay, but I do like where your mind went.” He walked backward toward the kitchen. “I’ll be right in, honey,” he said in a breathy voice.

  I tried to keep a straight face. “You’d better not keep me waiting.”

  As soon as Archer turned, I ran to his bedroom, grabbed supplies, and donned a suit jacket and a tie. I had trouble tying it, but that wasn’t important.

  I sat in the office desk chair and did a few minutes of actual work while I waited. Stephanie’s cousin’s wedding was tomorrow. If Archer was going to break in, he had to do it then. I really didn’t want him to, but I didn’t know how to talk him out of it.

  My thoughts were interrupted when Archer came in carrying a tray with cups and a carafe.

  Archer pitched his voice high. “Honey, you work too hard!”

  I wrinkled my nose. “I am gay, remember?”

  “Oh, right.” Archer shrugged and lowered it to a deep baritone. “How’s this?”

  I barked out a laugh and cleared my throat. “Very butch. Thank you.”

  He puttered around the desk, turned away from me, and stuck his now-bare ass in my face. I held in my laughter by the skin of my teeth and grabbed a handful of flesh.

  “Oh! Honey, not here!”

  “Relax, baby. The kids are at school.”

  We both paused, wondering how much further we wanted to take it. We snickered as I grabbed Archer around the waist and pushed him onto the desk. He shoved the computer out of the way and lay with his arms and legs splayed.

  “Ravish me, you…sexy beast, you.”

  “Oh, my God. We are so bad at this.”

  Archer laughed. “Shush! You’re breaking character.”

  I pushed my glasses up my nose with my shoulder and climbed on top of him. “Oh, fuck, my knees!”

  “I mean, I could try to fuck your knees. Maybe the back of them, if you like bent them,” Archer said with a straight face.

  I climbed off him and fell into the chair, laughing. “I can’t breathe!”

  “Quit laughing! This is supposed to be sexy!”

  “You are sexy, but it’s too funny. I can’t hold it in!”

  Archer sat up with legs on either side of me, erection tenting the apron. He ran his fingers through my hair and smiled. “Jakey poo, I adore you.”

  I stopped and smiled. We leaned in at the same time, but he was higher than me, so I stood between his legs and took his face in my hands. “You’re the most interesting, funny, caring person I’ve ever met. And you’re sexy and gorgeous.”

  Archer’s smile turned sweet. “So, what you’re saying is, you kinda like me?”

  “I kinda do.”

  We kissed again, and my breathing grew heavier. I dived under the apron to massage his cock, and he moaned.

  “Who knew laughter was such a turn-on?”

  I snorted, super-sexy like, and continued my path down his neck to his nipple. I had to push the apron out of the way to reach it.

  “I’m going to have to get this cleaned,” Archer muttered. “I’m leaking all over it.”

  “Sexy.”

  “I know. I see why people like French maid uniforms.”

  “This isn’t a French maid apron. It says, ‘Bitches Love the Kitchens.’ ”

  “Yeah, but in a super-sexy way, right?”

  “If you say so.” I smeared the leakage he was talking about around the tip of his erection, then shoved the material away, bent at the waist, and proceeded to blow his mind with my tongue.

  “Archer? Oh, shit!”

  Archer jackknifed upright. “Phen! What the hell?”

  “What are you doing? Is that an apron?” Archer’s brother had squeezed his eyes closed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Never mind. I’m not opening my eyes. I’ll be in the living room.” Phoenix bumped into the doorjamb but made it through in a hurry.

  I had fallen into the chair, wondering if Phoenix had seen me licking Archer’s cock like a sugar addict with a lollipop. But then I thought maybe the apron had been hiding most of the action, and I calmed down.

  “Dammit, I told him that key is only for emergencies.”

  “Maybe that taught him a lesson. At least it wasn’t your mother.”

  “True.” Archer shuddered. “I’d better get dressed.” He cupped my chin and drew me in for one more kiss before he left.

  I stayed where I was, not the least bit remorseful about leaving Phoenix alone in the living room. I wasn’t equipped to handle that level of awkwardness.

  Archer

  I walked into the living room, pulling a shirt on over my head. “Dammit, Phen. You probably scared Jake into never giving me a blowjob again.”

  “No, he didn’t!” Jake yelled from the office.

  I grinned.

  My brother’s face distorted in disgust, so I crossed my arms. “What did you think he was doing with his head in my lap?”

  “Stop it! I don’t want to know.”

  “Then don’t let yourself in here whenever you feel like it!”

  “I’
m sorry! I knocked. I was worried about Brett. They still haven’t found him.”

  “You’re forgiven. Just remember that the next time.”

  “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget.”

  “So, was that all? You were worried about Brett?”

  Phen dropped onto the couch. It was only noon, but he slumped like he’d been at work for two straight days.

  “What’s wrong? You look like shit.”

  “I can’t stop thinking about Greg.”

  “Oh, really?” I sat opposite him. “Because he said he wants to date you?”

  “Of course! I’m not gay!”

  I bit my lip. “I love you, brother, and I’m not trying to tell you who you are, but I’ve never seen you date a woman.”

  “So? You’ve never seen me date a man, either.”

  I paused. “Huh. Who do you date?”

  “No one. I was too busy with school, and now work. I never had time.”

  “That’s a load of crap. Other lawyers date and get married and have kids.”

  “Other lawyers don’t have you as a brother and a client,” he muttered.

  “Oh, please. Don’t use me as an excuse, either.”

  He went quiet, so I sighed and shifted closer. “Phen, I love you, but you’ve got to loosen up. If you like Greg, then go out with him. If you don’t, tell him no. But do something for yourself for once! Stop worrying about me and about your future. Live your life while you still have it.”

  “He’s right, you know.” Jake walked in from the hallway. “Ever since my dad was arrested, I’ve been so terrified of losing everything again. I haven’t been living, just surviving.” He stopped and sat on the arm of the couch next to me. “I’ve been so focused on graduating and getting a good job, I only have one friend, and until I met Archer, I barely had any fun. Graduating is still important to me, and having a job, of course, but it’s not all there is to life.”

  I took Jake’s hand and squeezed. “So, do you like Greg or not?” I asked Phen.

  “I have no idea. I guess he’s attractive in a cop kind of way.”

  “Just go out with him, and see how it goes. If you don’t like it, at least you tried.”

  Phen wiped a hand over his face. “You’re right. Both of you. Thank you. And I’m sorry for coming in unannounced. You don’t have to worry about me doing it again, so feel free to…do whatever wherever you want.”